The Horrors of Working For Lawyers

Every single joke ever told about lawyers is completely justified. This is something I learned while I was working for a few of them.

A few months after I graduated with my bachelor of commerce, I was hired by a small criminal defense firm as their bookkeeper. For the first while I was working there it was great. I was getting along with my coworkers and I was enjoying my work. I was so happy to have a real job that earned me a real salary in a real office. It was pretty much exactly what I was hoping I would get. It seemed perfect.

The day before I started I got a call from an insurance company I had applied at asking me for an interview. I politely declined the interview as I had already accepted the position at the law firm. The salary range was the same and it was a larger more established company which meant it probably had more rigid and defined policies and procedures. Something that I have discovered the hard way is what I need to be successful in a job. I was aware of all of this at the time but the real reason I turned down the interview was that the law firm has an annual office trip every fall and I was told that I would be included in that year’s trip. In hindsight I hate myself for being bought with a trip to Las Vegas.

Things were mostly fine from when I started in the middle of September until the beginning of November. Right around the first of November I got called into my boss’ office and was subjected to something that I still consider to be one of the worst atrocities an employee can be put through. I was told that I was subject to a different dress code than the rest of the support staff. When I started working at the firm I was told by more than one person that the office is pretty laid back and casual dress is acceptable. Obviously I used sound judgment and didn’t wear my Megadeth t-shirts to work. But, jeans were acceptable as well as tops that did not have graphics or logos on them. I would say that three or four days a week I would wear business casual but one or two days a week I would dress down and wear jeans and an appropriate top. I certainly never wore anything with holes or that would be otherwise inappropriate.

When I had this rather unpleasant office meeting I was told that my attire was inappropriate and that they like to see a more formal dress around the office. I was told to not wear jeans anymore. This in and of itself is not really all that much to be concerned about. But, it was in stark contrast to what I was told when I started. I had no idea that I was doing anything I shouldn’t. Also, I need to stress that all of the other support staff wore jeans on a daily basis. In fact, the legal assistant to the lawyer that was my boss never wore anything but jeans. On this particular day I was wearing a pair of clean and hole-free jeans and a black lulu lemon hoody. This happened to be the exact same thing that my boss’ assistant was wearing that day except her hoody was purple.

From that day on I wore nothing but shirts and ties and dress pants. I really classed up the place. In fact, the day after the meeting I went to the mall and spent $800 on new clothes for work. Everyone else continued to wear jeans and hoodies on a daily basis and were never told anything akin to what I was told. Even more shockingly, Ed Hardy attire and lulu lemon spandex pants made regular appearances as well.

The reason that this bothered me so much was that it was presented to me in a way that I thought was a bit too much like a personal attack. If they had presented this to me in a different way that offered a bit more of an explanation then I wouldn’t have felt quite so slighted. Also, when you subject one employee to terms and conditions that other employees are exempt from it is illegal. If the conditions are so severe that it causes that employee to quit then it becomes a case of constructive dismissal and you can sue your employer for it. In my case I was still on probation so I had to just grin and bear it. At the time I still wanted to keep my job.

The next time I saw my boss she was wearing some sort of suit that looked like it would be more appropriate for a night club than an office. It was this brown thing with a skirt that was so short it could have qualified as a belt. I’ve seen hookers dress more conservatively. Keep in mind this is a woman that is pushing forty and has had two kids.

When I was let go I was told by her husband who was the other senior partner in the firm. She didn’t even come into the office that day. It was a wise decision on her part because if it was her that terminated my employment I probably would have punched her in the face. I told the lawyer that let me go that it is wrong and illegal to subject your employees to conditions of employment that apply to only them. He said “Yeah, I never did think that was right. Sorry.”. Really!? Then why the fuck did you allow it? It’s just as much your firm as it is hers. I think we know who wears the pants in that marriage.

This is just one of the horrors I experienced while I was working at that firm. There are many more that I will write about but this is already at 1000 words so I will save them for future entries. Until then, heed my warning and don’t work for lawyers; Especially if they are criminal defense lawyers.